This was my first time trying the M-Pen medicine. I started with the low dose, just 2-3 seconds, and then I meditated for about 20 minutes.
At first I felt more relaxed. I could focus on my breathing and the outside sounds didn't disturb my connection. However, this feeling didn't last long. The monkey mind came back, and my thoughts started to race.
After that, I took another dose, this time a full pull of 7-10 seconds until the light flashed. Right away my whole body suddenly became hot, and I felt extremely anxious. It was like my mind was trying to hold onto control. But as I continued to breathe, the anxious feeling gradually subsided. Although it was intense for a few minutes, I eventually felt more calm and the tension in my body faded away.
Once I let go and surrendered, something interesting happened. I started to receive insightful messages. It was like I was looking into a crystal ball, observing a toxic relationship. It wasn't about me and another person specifically, but rather a general understanding of toxic relationships. It was as if I had stepped out of the situation and was watching it from a different perspective. These insights reminded me to let go of self-doubt.
Now that the relationship is over and I've learned my lesson, I can laugh about it. In the meditation I found myself giggling about past mistakes and situations that used to frustrate me. It's a shift in perspective and I now find humor in those learnings.
During the experience, I also noticed that I was able to disconnect from the present moment more easily than in regular meditation. Normally, it takes me about an hour of yoga to reach that state, but with the pen, I could get there by simply closing my eyes. It amplified my ability to meditate and be present.
Physically, the experience felt joyful and elating. I felt a sense of happiness in my chest, and I was excited about just being there. I didn't have to do anything special; the joy came from within. It's something I believe we should focus on more—tapping into joy and embracing it.
Overall, I feel very excited about this great experience. It was enjoyable to explore the capabilities and understand the importance of letting go. That burning feeling in my body was a significant message for me—to release and surrender. Unlike other psychedelics, this experience allowed me to choose whether to let go or snap out of it at any moment. It was me who found that subtle bliss, not just the medicine.
Now, I don't feel dramatically different after the experience, but I do feel a sense of change in my mind. I have gained a deeper understanding of letting go, and it's something I will carry with me. The physical effects may have faded, but the message of releasing control remains. It's a powerful reminder to embrace the present moment and find that inner peace.
In the end, it wasn't just about the medicine; it was about the journey of self-discovery, the choices I made along the way, and everything I have learned that brings me to today.
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This user story was created from an audio recording and transcript of an interview. The user’s words were run through an AI large language model to turn it into a more readable account, and the user approved the final text. The image of the user is a CGI depiction. All the names in this report were changed to ensure anonymity.